August 28, 2010

Funny You Should Say That...

Ok-- so the other night-- a typical night-- I was having trouble going to sleep. My parents have been kind enough (or perhaps it's cruel of them?) to put a flat screen TV in my room with full satellite access... So now when I can't sleep, I can just turn on the boob tube (who came up with that anyway?) Back to the story:

I turn on Late Night w/ Jimmy Fallon (sad that Conan is no longer on it) and watched a little. On this particular episode, Jimmy had asked his fans to send in weird things that their parents do... He got quite a listing. Such as: "One time my father called my cell phone. When I answered he asked me if I had my cell phone." They all made me laugh. But perhaps my favorite was this one:

"My parents favorite saying is, 'You got baked beans. You got a party.'"

This made me laugh. A lot. I wish it could be on a tshirt- in fact, I am tempted to make it a tshirt. And I am also tempted to use it as often as possible in everyday conversation. I wonder how many strange looks I can garner? New goal in life!

I did a little bit of research and found some other funny sayings... Enjoy!

1. If I wanted to hear the pitter patter of little feet, I'll put shoes on my cat.
2. Sarcasm is just one more service we offer.
3. Be nice to your kids. They'll choose your nursing home.
4. Why is "abbreviation" such a long word?
5. Don't use a big word where a diminutive one will suffice.
6. I used up all my sick days, so I'm calling in dead.
7. There cannot be a crisis today, my schedule is already full.
8. I'd explain it to you, but your brain would explode.
9. Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
10. A conclusion is simply the place where you got tired of thinking...
11. Budget: A method for going broke methodically.
12. Shin: A device for finding furniture in the dark.
13. Death is hereditary.
14. When you're right, no one remembers. When you're wrong, no one forgets.
15. Always remember that you are absolutely unique. Just like everyone else.
16. Everyone makes mistakes. The trick is to make mistakes when nobody is looking.
17. They say hard work never hurts anybody, but why take the chance.
18. Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won't expect it back.

Do you have any weird sayings? Or have you heard any? Please feel free to share.

August 24, 2010

Trash Talk Tuesday

Not gonna lie, I feel like Lazarus returning from the grave. Except for that whole "being dead" thing. Yeah, probably not a good comparison. Well, TTT fans (and by this I mean Heather and Stephen), I have done some research-- found some dirt-- and am ready to spill.

Is it just me-- or does it feel like the Trash Talk always revolves around the same people? Sheesh, will these people ever learn? Let's hope not- or we'd have nothing to discuss... And- here we go!

Steven Tyler… Really?
It’s a horrible job, but I guess someone has to do it. Rumor has it (or it may be beyond rumor) that Steven Tyler of the band Aerosmith is going to be a judge on the next season of American Idol. Really Fox? Really? Why can’t you stop the torture and just end the show?!? I want to hit my head against a wall… Another rumor? Mariah Carrey may also be a judge. Really Fox? Really? Someone please shoot me now.


Screaming Match
Apparently actress Hayden Panettiere has age issues… A few nights ago Hayden was refused entry into a club because she hadn’t yet turned 21. Sources say she screamed at the doorman. Wow. Way to show them you are mature enough to get into the club. Sounds like she just needed to go home and be put to bed for the night… Sheesh. What is with celebrities who think they deserve every right just because they are famous? Dorfs.


So much Change… Can’t Cope…
Actress Hilary Duff just got married to an NHL player… But the real news story? The change in her hair color. What on Earth will we do? If Hilary Duff isn’t blonde then the world may be about to end… Why Hilary? WHY?!? (*Please take note of the sarcasm in these statements*)


I’m Full of GLEE!!!
In case you didn’t know, I am huge fan of Fox’s new show “Glee”. I watched every episode of the first season, and I plan to continue watching it in the future. I found out some interesting tidbits about the new season… So if you’re interested read these (but don’t if you think it’ll ruin things):
o
Tina and Artie will break up (she’s got her eyes set on someone new)
o A few new characters will be added (Like Rachel’s dads, older siblings, etc.)
o There is most likely going to be a Brittney Spears episode (will she appear?!?)
o Kurt will finally get a boyfriend (see photo of possible love interest)


Close, but Not Close Enough.
This week a man armed with two (count ‘em—two) kitchen knives tried to break into Paris Hilton’s home while she was sleeping. Too bad for him she is rich enough to afford protection. The man was arrested by local police and Paris remained unharmed. Hm. You can’t always get what you want… Was that harsh? My bad. I don’t call it trash talk for nothing…


And there you have it. If you didn't like it-- you write it next time. Enough said. I think.

August 10, 2010

Lessons From Vacation

Vacation can be a fantastic thing-- but why is it that people usually come home more exhausted than when they left? Probably because vacation can be a time of turmoil, anger, extreme heat (if taken in the summertime), and overcrowding.

I don't know about you-- but I am definitely not a fan of the following:
1. Heat
2. Humidity
3. Crowds
4. Lines
5. Paying high prices to see a decent landmark or monument

So this last week my parents took me on vacation with them. I am unemployed, it is summertime, therefore I decided to tag along. Our plans? Hit up Washington D.C. for a few days, then drive up to Boston for a few more. A good plan, if I say so myself.

I had a good time-- and I absolutely loved Boston (highly recommended if you're searching for a vacation spot). But while on vacation I learned some valuable life lessons. And if you know me at all, then you know I am all about the life lessons. So I am going to share my wisdom with you-- may you learn from my mistakes, frustrations, and complications.

1. Always book a hotel ahead of time, otherwise you'll end up in a smoking room sharing a king bed with your parents.
2. Always allow for ample driving time-- because you will hit traffic jams near every major city.
3. Road construction is everywhere. No matter the state. You can never escape it.
4. Always make sure to apply ample deodorant, especially if you'll be walking all day.
5. Wear comfy shoes or else be prepared to invest in band-aids.
6. Don't bother voicing your opinion, chances are your father will ignore it.
7. If driving to your destination, make sure you have a good spare tire. Because you will get a flat. 20 miles from your destination.
8. Make sure the exhibit you visit is worth the money you are paying. Research ahead of time!
9. Finding public parking will always give you a headache. And rob you blind. If at all possible, ride the metro/subway/bus system.
10. The GPS doesn't know everything.

And there you have it-- Learn from my experiences! And please enjoy your next vacation!