April 30, 2010

Pregnant Lady Feet

Yesterday was a hard day at work. Ok. Let me rephrase. Yesterday was a hard day at work-- for my feet.

I only had to sub twice-- which meant I was technically only on my feet for 2 hours. However, instead of wearing flats like the wise woman, I decided to wear some heels (granted, they had already been broken in). But thanks to the heat (80 degrees) and being on my feet (no rhyme intended), I ended up with what I like to call "pregnant lady feet". AKA: My feet were slightly swollen. It was very uncomfortable.

Now that I've probably made some of you uncomfortable by talking about my pregnant lady feet even though I'm not pregnant-- I will press onward.

This experience made me realize how dumb women can be. We put ourselves through so much torture-- just to look good. And, in my case, it's not even working because I'm still single and have been that way for 23 years. Boo. And that half year mark is coming around- and I am no closer to finding *the one* (cue barfing noise). But, alas, I won't give up hope. Because I know if I stop wearing heels and never find a man, then I will just blame myself for dressing like a slob, ergo-- never being able to attract a mate.

And while I'm debating this dilemma, check out these high heels that woman can actually wear. Ridiculously stupid, if you ask me.






My personal favorite were the ones with knives for heels. I'm like "Are you planning on dicing something while you walk?" But I guess it'd prove helpful in committing murder... Crazy ladies. Oh, and here some proof about heels being bad for you. I mean, you don't need to stop wearing (unless your a man), but just be aware you may regret it later in life. I wore mine for 4 hours and regretted it. Just sayin'.

April 28, 2010

Revenge of the Nerds

So last night I'm online, checking out Facebook, my email, and my blog. Much to my surprise my roommate informs me of her opinion of blogging. According to her, it's a very "nerdy" thing to do. And (here's the kicker) she puts it on the same level as playing online games (World of Warcraft, anyone?). At first I whole-heartedly objected. I am not a nerd! How could she even say that? This was coming from an accounting major who studies more than I ever care too and always goes to bed before me. Nerdy? Really?

This made me think-- is being nerdy really so bad? Sure, back in the days being a nerd was frowned upon. And there was that classic image of a gawky white guy, big glasses, braces, bad social skills, and horrible clothing... But nowadays our pop culture has made nerdy people into icons we will never forget. Plus, being a nerd might mean making millions of dollars (Bill Gates, hello!)

Upon further research-- here are my findings about nerds.

Miriam-Webster dictionary defines a "nerd" as: an unstylish, unattractive, or socially inept person; especially : one slavishly devoted to intellectual or academic pursuits.

Ouch to the first definition. I'd much rather think about nerds (especially if I am one) in regard to the 2nd definition.

So I made up a list of things I think ubber-nerdy people do.

Nerdy Actions
1. Watch, dress like, and quote fantasy or science fiction related shows, books, or movies (i.e.: Lord of the Rings, Star Trek, Star Wars, Stargate, etc.)
2. Have social awkwardness (to an extreme)
3. Actually enjoy doing homework or solving impossible equations
4. Be physically awkward (aka: bad at sports or bodily coordination)
5. Have only friends that you’ve met online (and never in real life)
6. Play online gaming (all the time)
7. Might have trouble interacting with those of the opposite sex
8. Knowledgeable/Obsessive in one particular area

I know some of these are a little extreme-- but at this point I was trying to distance myself from this category. And then I thought, who are some famous nerds? Maybe being a nerd is cool? And came up with this:

Famous (but not necessarily real) nerds!
1. Bill Gates (The nerd that became the boss)
2. Steve Jobs (Rich and nerdy?)
3. Mark Zuckerberg (Facebook creator)
4. Mr. Spock (Do the sign with your hand!)
5. Napoleon Dynamite (“My lips hurt real bad…”)
6. Weird Al (White and Nerdy!!!)
7. George Lucas (Oh Star Wars)
8. Jamie and Adam from Mythbusters
9. Steve Urkel (“Did I do that?”)
10. All those guys from “The Big Bang Theory”
11. Garth Alger (Wayne’s World—party time!)
12. Al Gore (Did you really invent the internet?!?)
13. Rick Moranis (Honey, I shrunk the kids—priceless)
14. Michael Cera (come on—he just sounds like one)
15. Dwight Shrute (seems to know a lot… about everything random)
16. Bill Nye (you know you watched it!)
17. Screech (Saved by the Bell—he was the epitome of nerdness)
18. Albert Einstein
19. Ben Stein (“Clear eyes…”)
20. Hermoine Granger (she loved homework—for real?)

Hm... I guess not everyone on that list is horrible. Maybe. Which brought forth the question-- What kinds of nerds are there?
  • Computer nerd
  • Gamer nerd
  • Classic nerd
  • Media nerd
  • Science nerd
  • Music nerd

I would go into deeper definitions, but I fear boring you almost as much as I am beginning to bore myself (and I'm the author!) I'm sure you can figure out what skills these nerds possess-- after all, you are reading my blog-- which must make you nerdy!

And to end today's pondering on nerdiness, I compiled a list of the reasons I may be a nerd. I have yet to fully decide...

Nerdy things I do:
  1. Play Scrabble online with friends and family
  2. Read at least 2 books a month for fun
  3. Work on my Master's degree b/c I have nothing else to do
  4. Blog (?!?)
  5. Play games on Facebook (Farmville/Fishville)
  6. Listen to classical music on my iPod
  7. Wear a bike helmet when I bike
  8. Calculate how many calories I burned working out
  9. Watch Jeopardy so I can prove my brilliance to others
  10. Actually research "nerd" on the internet

Don't judge me.



April 27, 2010

Trash Talk Tuesdays

Well, it is once again that time of the week-- trash talk time! I spent the last week scouring and pouring over gossip websites and news articles-- only to bring you the most important (at least in my mind) and exciting celebrity gossip, rumors, etc. And, unfortunately, this last week was pretty boring. So, enjoy what I managed to drudge up!!!

Lindsay Lohan was fired from a film
Does this really shock anyone? Has anyone taken a good long look at this girl? I think she’s gone off the deep end. And I don’t think anyone is missing her. Just saying.

Justin Beiber—Future Movie star?
When I first heard this story I thought, “Oh Lord, please make it all stop.” First of all, Justin sounds like a 12 year old girl when he sings. I mean, I literally heard one of his songs and thought, “Who is this girl singing?” Ridiculous. And then I found out that lots of girls love him—and I thought they were crazy. Because not only does he sound like a 12 year old girl, he also looks one. And now he wants to make movies? Will the torture ever stop??? Apparently not.

New trailer for Eclipse film

Ok. Not gonna lie. I watched this movie trailer. And, is it just me, or is Edward Cullen becoming more and more chalky and pale? Feel free to watch and laugh alongside me. (Although this was my favorite of the 4 books—maybe it’ll be the best movie, too)

Whitney Houston… Doesn’t have it anymore?
In a shocking revelation—Whitney Houston performed for a crowd in London—and failed to hit the crucial high notes of her song. *Gasp* Fans were furious—after all, they paid good money to see the 46 year old singer belt it out… But here’s the thing: She is 46. Seriously. Her voice has to be tired after years of singing. And not all good things last forever. So, people need to stop complaining and find a new idol to gush over, and perhaps Whitney should call it quits- and then everyone can go home happy. Instead of cringing.

Nick Cannon + Mariah Carey

It’s official—they have been married for almost 2 years. This couple is going to renew their wedding vows. I just wondered if anyone else out there found their coupling to be a little bit on the creepy side? After all, she is 40—and he is 29. Call me old fashioned—but it just comes across as weird.

And there you have it, my dish on this week's "news". I'm sorry it couldn't be more interesting. Blame it on the famous people...

April 26, 2010

Monday Blahs

Now don't be a liar. I know you've felt it too. And if you didn't-- I really don't know what to think... Because I am 99% positive that at some point in their lives, EVERYONE wakes up with the Monday Blahs.

This is today's problem. I am going to solve this issue. Clear it away before it becomes an infectious disease that I spread to the world.

Upon further research, I discovered a PDF file dedicated to this sole purpose. Getting rid of your Monday Blahs. I shall share the ideas presented in said article:

1.On Fridays-- pat yourself on the back. (Now, don't you just feel like Rocky? A true champion?) Think about what you did to make a difference that week. (Well, I missed this boat-- since it's already Monday)
2. Write a "To Do" list for next Monday-Friday (yes, because I just love thinking about everything I have to do in the future... And-- oops-- I missed the boat on this one as well)
3. Stay present on Sundays-- don't dwell on the next day. (Missed it again-- drat!)
4. On Sundays take a "gratitude" walk (Not sure what this means-- but I picture someone walking along, pondering, glancing up into the sky, muttering under their breath, and generally looking INSANE)
5. On Monday set your alarm a little earlier (What?!?) and wake up early to focus on what kind of person you want to be today (probably a grumpy one because of the early time).

Ok-- so this article was chocked full of (crazy) ideas to help you be rid of Monday blahs. My only problem? Most of these things have to happen a few days before Monday. So what do you do when it IS Monday-- and you need some help? Here is MY advice. Not to be confused with the crazy psychobabble of the other author:

1. Drink at least 2 cups of coffee upon waking (or at least enough to give you a caffeine high). This will make you feel crazy hyper. Like you can conquer the world! Woooo! (I'm on cup 2, in case you haven't noticed)
2. Try doing a few situps or pushups. Now-- I know you're like "exercise?!? What?!?" Let me get down and try-- hold on-- Ok-- 10 pushup later. I am crazy lightheaded-- and a little out of breath (and, yes, those were girly pushups). But I feel a little better about Monday. A good way to handle anxiety and stress. And get the blood pumping. Try it.
3. Find a small task you can accomplish that morning. This will make you feel like a champ. Like, "Today I will brush my teeth. Because I am awesome." And then-- DO IT!!! You will totally win every time and start to feel major accomplished.
4. Read something stimulating online. A news article. My blog. Facebook status quotes. It will get your brain working. And you might learn something to pass on to others...
5. Put on some music and have a dance. I am not kidding. Here I go-- And-- done! Today's dance was brought to you by Madonna/Justin Timberlake and their song "4 Minutes". (Small confession-- I only made it halfway because I started getting coffee induced heart burn-- but some dancing is better than none!)
6. Check the weather. It may sound goofy-- but nothing ruins a perfect day like unexpected weather conditions (Example: Oh-- today I'll wear a skirt-- what? The wind is blowing 25 mph? And it's too late to change? Oh great-- what a bummer)
7. Find a mantra. Repeat to yourself. It could be as simple as, "Today is great. I love Monday." Mine is going to be from How I Met Your Mother, curtesy of Barney, "Whenver I feel sad I stop being sad and be awesome instead. True story." A simple quote that makes you laugh or feel better about life will surely help get rid of the Monday Blahs.
8. Keep your eye on the prize. AKA: The next weekend (yay!)
9. Remember you are never alone with your Monday Blahs. Everyone feels it-- even those super chipper, crazy happy people that you want to punch in the face.
10. If all else fails-- call in sick and go back to bed. My whole life I've wanted to try this... Maybe someday...

Well, I hope my ideas helped-- or at least the ideas of that crazy lady. The first step is to try something. Don't just stand there complaining like a jerk-- because no one appreciates it. And we don't appreciate you spreading your "Blahs" to the world. True Story.

April 24, 2010

Dying

Today I woke up and felt like dying. Now... Was it an illness that caused this phenomenon? No. Was I dreading something that was going to happen today? No. Was I nervous about the future (Yes, but this is not that case).

No. Today I woke up and felt like dying because I had to wake up at 6 am.

Now I've probably made some of you mad. 6 am?!? That is ridiculously late!!! I get up at 5:30 every day!!! (If that is the case, I feel bad for you).

But, alas, I had to get up at 6 am on my Saturday. It always feels odd to sleep in later on the weekdays (8:30 every day) than on the weekend. But I love my roommate. If she asks me to go somewhere with her-- I wake up at 6 am. Because I care. Plus, she said we could have doughnuts-- which helps the matter a little bit.

Too bad I didn't realize waking up this early would also make me want to die. Literally.

So in the off-chance that I knock off early, I wanted you all to be prepared. And since I've never bothered to write down funeral ideas-- today made me realize I need to get it in writing. Otherwise how will you all know what to do once I die? And on the offchance one of you kicks the bucket before me... well-- I suppose I could let you borrow a few of my awesome funeral ideas.

Ok. Now. These are not jokes. So don't laugh too much. I expect to see this happening from Heaven.

1. Don't bother saving my body. Seriously? I don't want people looking at an empty corpse. And I don't want to rot in the grave.
2. Instead, have me cremated and then sail out into international waters (take a cruise, if you want) and dump me in the ocean. I love the ocean. And for once I won't have to worry about shark attacks.
3. Make sure my organs were donated to a good use.
4. Emily Iler will come to funeral and will give a speech about how God "took me to His bosom". (We saw this in a movie once-- and I thought it was pretty great. And hilarious)
5. You can wear black... But, please, add in a vibrant color. As much as I adore black-- I love bright colors even more. So honor me by doing that.
6. Please, no loud bawling or weeping. I don't mind if you shed a few tears (or none at all). But, come on, it's not like I'm never going to see you again (here's hoping you know Jesus). Plus, I don't really like crying. I think my glands only get usage about once every 6 months. So, plug it up for me.
7. After the service, I request that you have refreshments available. Mostly pie. And frozen custard. And cheesecake. (And now I'm officially hungry).
8. While serving refreshments, have a karaoke machine set up. There were be only a few songs available to sing (but this is the most important step). The songs available to sing at my funeral are songs that I can go the rest of my life on Earth without hearing. And be happy. So that is why you are allowed to sing them only AFTER I pass away. So honestly, I won't have to hear them again.

Here is the karaoke list:
  • Testify to Love -- Avalon
  • Friends: MWS
  • Wind Beneath My Wings --Bette Midler
  • True Colors
  • Butterfly Kisses -- Bob Carlisle
  • Grown-up Christmas List
  • Happy Birthday Jesus
  • Christmas Shoes
  • Right Here Waiting For You -- Richard Marx
  • Hello- Lionel Richie
  • Hero -- Mariah Carey
  • I Will Always Love You -- Whitney Houston
  • I Swear --
  • Hey Mickey
  • Macarena
  • MmmBop -- Hanson
  • This I Promise You -- 'Nsync
  • Big House -- Audio A.
  • Home Run- Geoff Moore and the Distance
  • My Heart Will Go On -- Celine Dion
  • How Do I Live Without You

So there you have it. And now you truly have no excuse to follow my wishes. Thanks for being such great friends!