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Can You Pay My Bills?

Yes, you read today's title correctly. For your information, today's title is merely a nod to the 90's singing group Destiny's Child. I am not really asking you to pay my bills. Although if you feel like being charitable, I won't hold it against you...

NEWS FLASH: I don't like adulthood. I don't like needing a job to survive. I don't like paying bills.

SAD REALIZATION THAT TRUMPS NEWS FLASH: As much as I hate adulthood, responsibility, and all that good stuff-- I really, really hate NOT having a job more. It's the most boring thing ever. You have no idea.

In case you are doubting the idea that being on eternal vacation is way worse than working a lame 9-5, let me give you a recap of the last 1.5 months of my life...

Here is my typical day:
Wake up (typically around 9ish), Eat breakfast, Think about exercising, Sit on couch and watch TV, Think about exercising, Get on FB, FB stalk every single person I know (and even some I don't), Watch more TV, Eat lunch, Think about exercising tomorrow morning, Text some friends, Wait for text replies, Search the internet for possible jobs, Search the internet for interesting news, Pet the dogs, Get back into bed, Stare at wall and ponder life, Wander aimlessly around the house, Lie on the carpet and whine about the direction of my life, Think about going out to job hunt, Dismissing the job hunt idea because that requires showering, Dismiss any idea involving leaving the house because that requires changing out of comfy pajamas, Eat dinner, Watch more TV, Text more, Check FB for the 500th time, Stay up until 1 or 2 am, Get in bed to sleep and watch dumb shows on TV, Think about how tomorrow will be better, Get up next day and REPEAT.

I am serious. It's almost like my life is the back of the shampoo bottle that reminds you to "rinse and repeat". I've got it down pat.

I never realized how tempting random jobs can start to sound. These days I often find myself thinking things like: "That lady picks up dog poop for a living... She makes $15 an hour?!? I would totally do that job..." and "That grocery store is hiring part-time... I could totally rock the grocery store look... I would the best cashier EVER!" and "That job dressing up like a giant bunny for children's birthday parties is starting to sound tempting... I wonder where I can sign up?"

In my free time, however, I have compiled a list of future careers (in case that teaching job never comes). Are you ready? Here they are:

1. Cake Decorator (I love art and cake. It's a win-win situation!)
2. Appear on TV shows (AKA: Wipeout and The Amazing Race... After I win a few TV shows I'll be set for life!)
3. Professional Student (this is the one where I return to school and study a variety of topics because I no longer know what I want to do with my life...)
4. Vet Assistant (I love animals, just not their dander... hmmm....)
5. Writer (Don't mock! How hard can it be to pump out a Christian romance novel or child fantasy book? CS Lewis anyone? Piece. Of. Cake.)
6. Professional Bum (In this one I construct a cardboard house and live on a street corner. I never shower. I chase small children away from my home while shaking my fists and yelling angry statements like, "Hey you kids! Get away from my house! This is MY house! I know where you live!!!". I also sing on the street corner for spare change. It could work...)
7. Bakery Owner (this is similar to the cake decorator, except I get to make other goodies along with cakes. And who doesn't love to bake?!?)
8. Get Paid to Take Experimental Drugs (I'm not sure how well this would turn out. But it has to pay fairly well...)

I'm sure there are more awesome career choices out there... In fact, I think I'll sit around today and ponder them... Sounds like the perfect job for me!

1 comment

  1. I LOVE the cake decorator idea or the bakery owner idea... Cause then I could come live/work with you. It's a win-win-win!


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