One of my all-time favorite TV characters has become Sue Sylvester (from Glee). I'm pretty sure that without Sue the show would be kind of lame. She is always plotting against the Glee clubbers-- and always spouting off hilarious one-liner insults!
So I found a list online of Sue Sylvester's 20 best lines. And all of them made me laugh. All of them. How often can you say that about a character? So I apologize if you don't watch Glee-- and if you do watch Glee-- I'm sure you'll enjoy these lines as much as I did!
1. You think this is hard? Try waterboarding. That’s hard! (Episode 1, Pilot)
2. Sue: Iron tablet? It keeps your strength up when you menstruate.
Will: I don’t menstruate.
Sue: Neither do I. (Episode 2, Showmance)
3. I’ll often yell at homeless people: ‘Hey, how is that homelessness working out for you? Try not being homeless for once.’ (Episode 4, Preggers)
4. Are you just saying that because I poked a couple of kids’ eyes out before second period? (Ep. 15, The Power of Madonna)
5. I like minorities so much, I’m thinking of moving to California to become one. (Episode 7, Throwdown)
6. I don’t trust a man with curly hair. I can’t help but picture little birds laying sulfurous eggs in there, and it disgusts me. (Ep. 7)
7. You think this was hard? Try auditioning for Baywatch and being told they’re going in another direction. That was hard. (Episode 9, Wheels)
8. All I want is just one day a year when I’m not visually assaulted by uglies and fatties. (Episode 12, Mattress)
9. While they were in there, I told them to go ahead and yank out those tear ducts. Wasn’t using them. (Ep. 12)
10. (Said to Mr. Schu): You’ll be adding revenge to the long list of things you’re no good at, right next to being married, running a high school glee club and finding a hairstyle that doesn’t look like a lesbian. (Episode 13, Sectionals)
11. I thought I smelled cookies from the tears of the elves weeping that live in your hair. (Ep. 15, The Power of Madonna)
12. You think this hard. I’m passing a gallstone as we speak. That is hard. (Ep. 15)
13. (To Kurt Hummel and Mercedes Jones): “How do you two not have a show on Bravo? (Episode 16, Home)
14. Mercedes, your vocal chords have had more fantastic runs than a Kenyan track team. (Ep. 16)
15. (To Mr. Schu): I might buy a small diaper for your chin, because it looks like a baby’s ass. (Episode 17, Bad Reputation)
16. Nobody quits the Cheerios. You either die or I kick you off. (Episode 18, Laryngitis)
17. (To Kurt): “So you like show tunes. It doesn’t mean you’re gay. It just means you’re awful. (Ep. 18)
18. And that gay terrorist went on to become the first gay president of the United States, Abraham Lincoln. (Episode 21: Funk)
19. I’m all about finding a freakish depressed kid and showing them what winning’s all about. (Ep. 21)
20. You know, for me trophies are like herpes. You can try to get rid of them but they just keep coming. Sue Sylvester has hourly flair ups of burning itchy highly contagious talent. (Ep. 21)
(These lines brought to you courtesy http://www.fancast.com/blogs/2010/glee/sue-sylvesters-20-best-lines-from-glee/)
And there you have it. Pretty priceless, if you ask me.