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For the Moms

In honor of Mother's Day-- I have decided that what we need is a little more humor.

And really, when is humor NOT the answer to most things in life? I remember trying to solve every friendship fight with a quality joke. Nothing beats a good laugh. Except a punch in the face. Yeah, come to think of it, a punch might beat a good laugh.

But anyway, here is some motherly humor. I think you can appreciate it whether you are male, female, mother, or not.

Things a mom would never say:
  • "How on earth can you see the TV sitting so far back?"
  • "Yeah, I used to skip school a lot, too"
  • "Just leave all the lights on ... it makes the house look more cheery"
  • "Let me smell that shirt -- Yeah, it's good for another week"
  • "Go ahead and keep that stray dog, honey. I'll be glad to feed and walk him every day"
  • "Well, if Rahul's mamma says it's OK, that's good enough for me."
  • "The curfew is just a general time to shoot for. It's not like I'm running a prison around here."
  • "I don't have a tissue with me ... just use your sleeve"
  • "Don't bother wearing a jacket - the wind-chill is bound to improve"

You Know Your a Mom When... (thank heavens I am not one, but I do thank heavens that I have one)
  • Your feet stick to grape jelly on the kitchen floor..... and you don't care.
  • When the kids are fighting, you threaten to lock them in a room together and not let them out until someone's bleeding.
  • Your idea of a good day is making it through without a child leaking bodily fluids on you.
  • Popsicles become a food staple.
  • Your favorite television show is a cartoon.
  • You're willing to kiss your child's boo-boo, regardless of what body part it happens to be on.
  • Spit is your number one cleaning agent.
  • You buy cereal with marshmallows in it.
  • You have time to shave only one leg at a time.
  • You hide in the bathroom to be alone.
  • Your kid throws up and you catch it.
  • You find yourself cutting your husband's sandwiches into cute shapes
  • You're up each night until 11 PM vacuuming, dusting, wiping, washing, drying, loading, unloading, shopping, cooking, driving, flushing, ironing, sweeping, picking up, changing sheets, changing diapers, bathing, helping with homework, paying bills, budgeting, clipping coupons, folding clothes, putting to bed, dragging out of bed, brushing, chasing, buckling, feeding (them, NOT you), PLUS swinging, playing baseball, bike riding, pushing trucks, cuddling dolls, rollerblading, basketball, football, catch, bubbles, sprinklers, slides, nature walks, coloring, crafts, jumping rope, PLUS raking, trimming, planting, edging, mowing, gardening, painting, and walking the dog. You get up at 5:30 AM and you have no time to eat, sleep, drink or go to the bathroom, and yet ... you still managed to gain 10 pounds.
Check out this site to see what Mother's Day cards would look like if men wrote them... oh man.

So to all the moms out there, I just want to say thanks-- because without you none of us would be here! And to my mom, I love you.

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