April 11, 2010

Learn from their mistakes...

Last night I was thinking about scary movies... And how stupid the people are in scary movies. Now, don't get me wrong, I LOVE a good scary movie. But these days it's really hard for me to find a movie truly frightening. Probably because I've seen too many. Oh well. So if you'd like to recommend a scary movie for me to watch- please feel free.

Now, on the point of this pointless post.

I was thinking about the stupid people and their stupid actions (which almost always end badly) and I thought: WOW! I have learned so much from watching these movies... I should take the legendary advice I have learned and share it with others.

And that, my friends, is how we are going to "learn from their mistakes"

Take these suggestions to heart, or you just might find yourself murdered, eaten by a shark, kidnapped, demon possessed, or worse!!!

1. If something seems wrong—you should never split up from the group!!!
2. If you think the killer is dead (even if shot/stabbed/burned/etc)— He is NOT! Don’t fall for it- make sure you give him a shot to the brain… Or cut him into tiny pieces. Do something!
3. The bad person can easily be someone you know personally…
4. An animal just might turn out to be your worst nightmare…
5. Never move away from a mirror and then suddenly move back in front of it. You will see a murderer behind you!!!
6. Don’t bother running away. The bad guy always catches up.
7. Always find a weapon for self-defense. A stick. A rock. A high heel. Anything is better than nothing!
8. Never trust a stranger.
9. Never trust strange directions given to you while on a road trip. Especially in the middle of the desert.
10. Always make sure your doors and windows are locked. Especially at night.
11. If there is a thunderstorm then something terrible is going to happen (like all the electricity going out…)
12. Always make sure your cell phone is charged before you go on a trip.
13. Always make sure someone knows where you will be… and when you are supposed to return
14. Don’t hang out with people who would be “minor” characters in a film. They always die first.
15. When you heard a strange noise—don’t bother looking for the source. You are probably already dead.
16. When you are in the woods and hear a twig crack—you better start running and stop asking “Is anyone there?!?”
17. If you are going somewhere with a boyfriend—he will probably end up dead in the end.
18. Your clothing will always be destroyed or ripped during your frantic escape. So don’t wear your nicest dress and heels.
19. If you hear the words “Let’s play a game”. Be prepared to die. There is no hope.
20. Make sure to learn your Bible verses well. You will have to repel evil demon spirits or ghosts.
21. Watch out for kids behaving strangely.
22. Don’t jump in the ocean if you think there might be sharks.

I'm sure there is much more wisdom to be had out there... But these are just a few I came up with (and thanks goes out to my roommate for a few, as well).

YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED!!!

3 comments:

  1. Funny post. Good advice. One question though:

    "Don’t hang out with people who would be “minor” characters in a film. They always die first."

    Wouldn't I WANT to hang out with those people so I would have a chance to get away while they're dying?

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  2. well, the good news is i am already putting a few of these into action...like not talking to strangers and not jumping into oceans full of sharks.

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  3. Stephen, if they die then you will probably be next on the list. I suppose if you think you can run fast enough... Go right ahead.

    I guess you can always cross your fingers and hope you are the main character in the story.

    Janna: I never talk to strangers and I am very un-trusting. I have high hopes for a long life.

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