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Dying

Today I woke up and felt like dying. Now... Was it an illness that caused this phenomenon? No. Was I dreading something that was going to happen today? No. Was I nervous about the future (Yes, but this is not that case).

No. Today I woke up and felt like dying because I had to wake up at 6 am.

Now I've probably made some of you mad. 6 am?!? That is ridiculously late!!! I get up at 5:30 every day!!! (If that is the case, I feel bad for you).

But, alas, I had to get up at 6 am on my Saturday. It always feels odd to sleep in later on the weekdays (8:30 every day) than on the weekend. But I love my roommate. If she asks me to go somewhere with her-- I wake up at 6 am. Because I care. Plus, she said we could have doughnuts-- which helps the matter a little bit.

Too bad I didn't realize waking up this early would also make me want to die. Literally.

So in the off-chance that I knock off early, I wanted you all to be prepared. And since I've never bothered to write down funeral ideas-- today made me realize I need to get it in writing. Otherwise how will you all know what to do once I die? And on the offchance one of you kicks the bucket before me... well-- I suppose I could let you borrow a few of my awesome funeral ideas.

Ok. Now. These are not jokes. So don't laugh too much. I expect to see this happening from Heaven.

1. Don't bother saving my body. Seriously? I don't want people looking at an empty corpse. And I don't want to rot in the grave.
2. Instead, have me cremated and then sail out into international waters (take a cruise, if you want) and dump me in the ocean. I love the ocean. And for once I won't have to worry about shark attacks.
3. Make sure my organs were donated to a good use.
4. Emily Iler will come to funeral and will give a speech about how God "took me to His bosom". (We saw this in a movie once-- and I thought it was pretty great. And hilarious)
5. You can wear black... But, please, add in a vibrant color. As much as I adore black-- I love bright colors even more. So honor me by doing that.
6. Please, no loud bawling or weeping. I don't mind if you shed a few tears (or none at all). But, come on, it's not like I'm never going to see you again (here's hoping you know Jesus). Plus, I don't really like crying. I think my glands only get usage about once every 6 months. So, plug it up for me.
7. After the service, I request that you have refreshments available. Mostly pie. And frozen custard. And cheesecake. (And now I'm officially hungry).
8. While serving refreshments, have a karaoke machine set up. There were be only a few songs available to sing (but this is the most important step). The songs available to sing at my funeral are songs that I can go the rest of my life on Earth without hearing. And be happy. So that is why you are allowed to sing them only AFTER I pass away. So honestly, I won't have to hear them again.

Here is the karaoke list:
  • Testify to Love -- Avalon
  • Friends: MWS
  • Wind Beneath My Wings --Bette Midler
  • True Colors
  • Butterfly Kisses -- Bob Carlisle
  • Grown-up Christmas List
  • Happy Birthday Jesus
  • Christmas Shoes
  • Right Here Waiting For You -- Richard Marx
  • Hello- Lionel Richie
  • Hero -- Mariah Carey
  • I Will Always Love You -- Whitney Houston
  • I Swear --
  • Hey Mickey
  • Macarena
  • MmmBop -- Hanson
  • This I Promise You -- 'Nsync
  • Big House -- Audio A.
  • Home Run- Geoff Moore and the Distance
  • My Heart Will Go On -- Celine Dion
  • How Do I Live Without You

So there you have it. And now you truly have no excuse to follow my wishes. Thanks for being such great friends!



8 comments

  1. i claim to sing friends. and butterfly kisses. if you are still alive by the time you get married, i want to sing them there too.

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  2. and grown up christmas list. how could i forget?? and maybe my heart will go on.

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  3. Janna beat me to it; I was going to claim singing ALL of these songs, but she was here first so she gets Friends and Butterfly Kisses, and I suppose she can have Grown Up Christmas List too.
    But I want to steal My Heart Will Go On...
    I claim Testify to Love, Wind Beneath My Wings, Hero, I Will Always Love You, I Swear, This I Promise You, and How Do I live Without you; because all of these songs will express how I feel/felt about you!

    ReplyDelete
  4. Rats! I was so focused on the karaoke part I forgot to comment on the rest of the blog...
    If someone is taking your ashes on a cruise, I want to go to. Or if no one else volunteers, I'll take you. I'll be the crazy person who talks to an urn for a week, then throws it overboard, and mopes in her cabin the rest of the cruise.
    I will totally wear a black dress and color it up with a yellow something, cause yellow makes me think of you. Maybe it's your yellow computer, your yellow hair, or the fact that you love the sun.
    I love cheesecake, but if I eat it at your funeral, I may never want to eat it again. It will make me sad. And cheesecake shouldn't be sad. Unless the cheesecake had a picture of you on it. Like that birthday cake Rory had on Gilmore Girls. Then I would not be as sad and cheesecake wouldn't be tainted.
    Don't die anytime soon, cause I like having you around. At least wait till after you get married. If Janna gets to ding Butterfly Kisses or Friends at your wedding, do I get to sing Wind Beneath my Wings?

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  5. heather, lets make my heart will go on a due!! that way it will be really special.
    and i want to go on the anna cruise too!

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  6. Yes! That is the perfect solution.
    We should also sing lots on the Anna cruise. But that time, we should sing all of Anna's favorite songs. Anna! We'll need a list of those too.

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  7. Anna, I will sssooo be at your funeral and there is no way anyone is going to stop me from giving that speech. Also, I would like to go on your death cruise as well!

    oh, and I can't believe that an Nsync song is on that list...even if it is one of the cheesiest songs of ALL time. very interesting. I love you and hope you don't die anytime soon.

    ReplyDelete

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